I thought I’d take a quick moment to celebrate the season, no I haven’t watched Elf-man yet, but I did take the classic poem and update it a bit. I originally posted it on Twitter, but thought I’d post it here too to share with everyone. Enjoy, and Happy Holidays!

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
not a creature was stirring except the click of the mouse.
The stockings were hung by the big screen with care,
if not by the chimney then I don’t know where.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of iThings danced in their heads.
As I settle in to the couch for the night,
as I spent too much money and my wife won that fight.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I hopped onto Twitter to tweet “what’s the matter!”
And getting no answer I decided to look,
out the third story window of the condo we booked.

Then what to my wondering eyes did appear,
but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny (checks wikipedia)… … reindeer!
With a little old driver with cell phone in hand,
and address book with all the good kids in the land.

Faster than 4G ‘cross the sky they all came,
he twittered and texted, DM’d them by name.
Now @DasherSReindeer, now @DancerTheReindr! Now @_prancer & @VixenReindeer!
On @Xmas_Comet, on @_officialcupid! On @DonnerReindeer & @BlitzenReindeer!

To the top of the fire escape! The top of the wall!
Now #DashAway #DashAway #DashAway all!
Like the obsolete iPhone 4 out the window it flies,
they stomped and they stamped and then took to the sky.

Up to the window the reindeer they flew,
with a sleigh full of gizmos, and St. Nicholas too.
I heard pawing and prancing and went for the broom.
Those neighbors are stomping again way too soon!
But before I could scold all the neighbors upstairs,
before stood St. Nicholas, I was caught unaware.

He was dressed all in fur from his head to his toe,
and in his hand a large gadget whose name said nPole.
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
electronics and gift cards, and Twinkies for a snack.

His eyes how they twinkled, his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His smile made his mustache curl up like a bow,
and the beard on his chin was the color of snow.

The stem of an e-cig hung out of his mouth,
He’s quitting this year, his health won’t go south.
He had a broad face and a round little belly,
from all of those cookies and too much time at the telly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf.
And I laughed to myself because fat people are funny.
A wink of an eye and a twist of his head,
I wasn’t quite sure if he liked me instead.

He spoke not a word but went straight to his work,
filled all of the stockings, even did some housework.
And placing his hand aside of his head,
and giving a nod, out the window he fled.

He sprang to his sleigh to his team gave a poke,
and away they all flew gone as fast as new Coke.
And I followed on Twitter as he rode out of sight.
RT: “Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”