FTMN Quickie/Almost Super: Sexina
Almost Super: Sexina: Pop Star P.I. 2007
A little while ago I was cultivating some lists of movies that I still need to review that are on various streaming services. One of those services is Hoopla which is free through most local libraries. I did a basic search for “Superhero” and this was one of the movies that came up. I ran a poll on Twitter, and this is the movie that won. I knew I was in for a bad movie from the start just based on the description and cover art, but I was in the mood for a bad movie and this scratched that itch perfectly. The only problem was that I didn’t quite read the description carefully enough because I quickly realized that this wasn’t really a superhero movie at all, but a private eye detective style movie. Not only that, but it was also a parody film though the line between the movie trying to parody its subject and the movie just being funny because it’s so bad is a very thin line. Honestly, the film did eventually get some genuine laughs out of me but it was also halfway between laughing with it and laughing at it.
As the title says, Sexina is a teen pop star and also has some sort of private investigation company or something along those lines. It’s not really clear, she just ends up getting a case involving a missing scientist. She doesn’t really do much in the way of the investigation, she just hits up a drug dealer informant once, then the next time he’s dead and she gets attacked by a very bad ninja. There’s also a few moments where they lean into the badness of the movie like later on when she gets attacked by another assassin with a blowdart that misses her and hits her Black, bartender adoptive father. When she chases after the assassin through a park, he gets attacked by a bear. Technically a guy in a teddy bear suit, but they act like it’s a bear. She even tries reasoning with it. When it really leans into the badness, it becomes quite hilarious, but those moments are few and far between.
There’s also an odd sense of gayness throughout the film and it generally feels less like it’s trying to be inclusive of gay culture, and more like it’s using homosexuality as a cheap joke. There’s a male gym teacher who is quite obviously not only gay, but also attracted to the teenage football players and aggressively grabs their asses. Sexina’s assistant is also obviously attracted to her and tries to make it clear except that Sexina is completely oblivious. There’s also some crude sex jokes sprinkled throughout that are occasionally funny like when the popular football player is awkwardly in the overweight, bullied girl’s bedroom and accidentally discovers her vibrator before getting walked in on by the girl’s mother and awkwardly fumbles with trying to get rid of it. There’s also quite obvious music cues like the opening song by Davy Jones is an obvious Bond style theme, and there’s a cliche moment where Sexina takes the overweight teen shopping to a literal montage song about shopping. There’s definitely moments of good humor sprinkled throughout, but it’s filled with bad acting and parody moments that’s difficult to tell if it’s supposed to be a joke, or if it’s just plain bad. And on top of everything else, we also get a very small Adam West cameo as the voice of the bad guy music producer who shows up for about 2 minutes at the very end looking pretty out of sorts, unfortunately. Until next time, this has been Bubbawheat for Flights, Tights, and Movie Nights.